20 Lessons from my 30th Year

I love a good self reflection. With my 31st birthday approaching next week, I wanted to share some reflections of lessons I really ‘practiced’ this past year. haha These are in no particular order and have to do with all areas of life.

1. Saying no does not make you a bad person. I’ve really exercised my ability to say no and honor my best interests.

2. Being one of the last of your friend group to get married is amazing. Having so many bridesmaids who have already planned weddings (or been in multiple) is a blessing and so helpful.

3. Being engaged is one of the most magical times of life. Prepare to giggle a lot.

4. Joining a challenge that seems really hard (i.e. the BIPOC author only reading challenge for a year), is a great sign that it’s something you need to try. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.

5. I am so grateful for my body’s ability to move. I cannot imagine my mental health story without the ability to use cycling and running as a means of therapy.

6. Talk less and listen more.

7. I feel my best when I get to bed early and read before falling asleep. Same goes for waking up early to spend time alone reading.

8. Planning a wedding is harder than it looks and can bring up a lot of past emotions you didn’t know you needed to work through. It’s also the most fun I’ve ever had planning the day I get to marry my best friend. (aka SO WORTH IT).

9. The more nieces and nephews I am blessed with, the better life gets. If my heart can grow this much from nieces and nephews, I can’t imagine what having children feels like.

10. You don’t have to physically give birth to be a mother. You can mother your friends, your family, others’ children.

11. I love wearing a mask at the grocery store so I can be sly and get and out quickly without seeing anyone I know.

12. I also love wearing a mask for moments when I’m doing makeup and don’t have to worry if people can smell my coffee breath.

13. Sourdough bread making isn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be.

14. Writing a cookbook is still hard, but we’re almost there!

15. Life is truly lived in the little moments. With each year I appreciate the tiny details more, as they are responsible for so much of life’s daily joy.

16. Being the bride after all of these years of working in the bridal industry, is a weird feeling. It’s ok if you don’t feel super bridal. Doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be a bride, or won’t enjoy it. It just might take longer for you to have it sink in. Plus, it’s about the marriage, not just the wedding day!

17. Turning 30 was absolutely amazing. If you are nearing it, embrace it. It’s exponentially better than your 20’s haha (and my 20’s were awesome)!

18. While I never would have wished the pandemic on anyone, I am grateful that it confirmed what I already knew…I can spend every second with only Mikey and still miss him the minute he walks out that front door.

19. Setting a realistic wedding budget is CRUCIAL. I cannot imagine this process without my budget.

20. You do not have to work every second of every day, to have a successful small business. Burnout is real and resting is great. Also work life balance is something you are continually striving for, so don’t be so hard on yourself if it feels like you haven’t mastered it. Life and businesses have seasons.

See you on the other side when I’m 31!!!

Andrea

28 Things I Learned at 28

In three days I turn 29 and start my 30th trip around the sun. While it’s crazy to think about the fact that I’m entering the last year of my 20’s, I’m so grateful for the lessons I’ve started or continued to learn in the last year of my life. So today I wanted to share some of them with you. Some are serious, some are funny, but all helped me have the best year ever.

1. One of the greatest gift you can give yourself, is learning how to create healthy boundaries. It is possible to say no kindly and put yourself first.

2. Not all mashed potatoes are gross. When you whip them with a hand mixer they can actually be quite tasty.

3. You can be the happiest you’ve ever been in life and still struggle with anxiety. For me this was the turning point in knowing that I needed to talk to my doctor about medications.

4. Harry Potter is really as great as they said it was. Scratch that, it was better and it changed my life.

5. Writing a cookbook is hard, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If you have a goal that you’ve always wanted to go after, start.

6. Speaking of starting, it’s never too early or too late to start something.

7. Game of Thrones is also as great as they said it was. Thank you Mikey for this and Harry Potter.

8. While I thought being an aunt to two nieces was the best feeling in the world, being an aunt to three is in fact EVEN BETTER!

9. The proper anxiety medication for you will not change your personality. You will feel more you and it is great.

10. Friendships are sometimes meant for a season of life and that’s ok.

11. While you may think it’s impossible love your significant other any more than you already do, every day will continue to surprise you and you will find ways you didn’t even know existed (i.e. when he becomes an uncle, your heart will swell each and every time he looks at that baby).

12. You can survive without caffeine…but you don’t have to. haha I did it for 6 months but am happy to have it back.

13. You can weigh the most you’ve ever weighed in your life and feel the most beautiful you’ve ever felt. Caring for your body and being active is a privilege and we should treat every opportunity to move as a gift. Shifting my focus from how much I was working out to just being and moving, changed my life.

14. Injuring your tailbone is really painful and you will cry a lot and feel defeated, but you are stronger than you realize.

15. It’s ok to ask for help.

16. It’s really fun to go to bed at 9 pm on a Friday and wake up refreshed for the weekend.

17. Relaxing without feeling guilty is possible.

18. Buying less and from smaller woman-owned businesses is a phenomenal way to add more joy to your life. Surrounding yourself with carefully crafted items from strong and smart women is amazing.

19. Support your friends and never stop expressing the gratitude you have for those around you who support you. We all need each other.

20. Oreos can fix pretty much any kitchen mishap. They make a great appetizer, main course, or side dish when life throws you for a loop.

21. Social media doesn’t have to be a negative black hole of comparison. You are in control of who is in your feed, so CHOOSE WISELY.

22. You don’t have to make a lot of money to pay off your student loan debt, save money, etc. It’s not about how much you make, but how you spend what you make. Budget and make great choices and you can become debt free. This WILL be my last birthday with student loan debt. I am almost FREE!

23. Cancel the plans. If your mind and body are telling you to rest and say no, say no. Again boundaries. Those who matter won’t mind.

24. Being vulnerable can be really scary, especially when you’re sharing on the internet and you don’t know who’s reading. However, by being vulnerable, you have the ability to connect with others and help them by seeing they aren’t alone. This is so worth it!

25. Mikey is still the greatest human and I am the most grateful person ever to get to call him mine. Not a day goes by that I do not thank God for his patience, strength, support, & love.

26. Your business will have seasons, just like life does. It’s ok to be extremely productive one week and unfocused & slower the next. You are human and as long as you are still moving in the right direction, you are moving. Rest is ok.

27. You don’t need one hundred friends.  Just a couple of REALLY great ones who will always have your back, and tell you which bathroom is best to poop in....

28. Aging is the real greatest gift.  I love myself more at 28 than I did at 27 and I am so happy to be living this beautiful life that was given to me. I can’t wait to see how I love myself at 29.

Thanks for being so great to me 28. See you on the other side at 29  friends.

I love ya,

Andrea

January Schmanuary

I’m sure you’ve all seen the memes joking about how January has felt like it’s lasted a year (I just posted one to my own stories…so I’m with you). I knew at the beginning of the month I wanted to reflect on January when it was over because first off, I’m big on self reflection, but secondly, I was curious to see how it compared to January 2018. So here we go. While these reasons might not apply to you specifically, the purpose of this post is to get you to think and self reflect about your own first month of the year. Self reflection is my greatest tool for making changes in my life and learning how to grow.

This month threw me for a freaking loop. I started it off feeling refreshed from extra time off around the holidays, spending much of it with family and generally feeling ready to tackle the new year. I’m not one to set new years resolutions, but I have always been excited to jump into new goals and get going again.

So I went on my merry way, creating timelines and ideas for Andrea Fontana Beauty, announcing my cookbook, and overall feeling really good about where I was heading. I was blessed enough to welcome a new niece into the world within the first week and things were really looking great! But then the next morning, I slipped on ice and bruised my tailbone terribly by falling down concrete stairs. At that moment the energy changed for the whole month. I thankfully had a mastermind weekend full of inspiration the following weekend, and while I thought this would prevent me from feeling low, it didn’t.

I spent the majority of it feeling frustrated, lazy, and mad at myself. But, if I could pick one way to describe how I felt at the end of January 2018: anxiety. If I could sum up how I felt at the end of January 2019: anxiety.

Anyone else sensing a pattern here besides me? Haha I’ve noticed on social media that this seems to be a common trend for others, so let’s dig in here a little bit. Why do I feel so anxious when I start the year off?

Goals are great, don’t get me wrong, but I struggle with the constant ‘DON’T EVER STOP WORKING’ mentality that you can find among the entrepreneurship community. Que the ‘Beyonce has the same number of hours in a day as you do’ memes. The ideal that there is always something you can be working on is great, but honestly poses a real threat for me because I’m a person who doesn’t know how to shut off sometimes. I can get going, full steam ahead, and forget about how to care for myself and to simply just sit and be.

Overall, I’m a person who enjoys schedules. I like to plan and know where I’m going to be one month, or even 3 months out. A lot of that is because the nature of the wedding industry involves planning so far out in advance, but I can be shaken by large changes to my schedule. Last January and this January both posed the same threats to my anxiety. Two situations, completely out of my control.

I’m hoping tomorrow when the calendar changes from January to February, I’m able to shake off the guilt of losing my entire workout regimen that I had cultivated for months and also not really working much this past week with the polar vortex. I was able to start fresh last February and look at it as a new month, so I’m hoping to see a similar trend this year.

So what have I learned?

My new theme of January is going to be GRACE. Give myself grace with the fact that January just is not, and maybe will never be my month, and THAT IS OK! I will probably not work as much as every other month and that is ok. It will likely include snow days and cancelled plans, and that is ok. I may fall on ice and not be able to visit my gym for a whole month, and that is ok. I might not put out as many blog posts as I wanted to, and that is ok.

Because here’s the thing. It’s going to be ok. Anxiety has this weird ability to trickle down into every category of your life and make you feel like you are a failure. But guess what, you are not. I am not.

I’m personally trying to view my life in a more seasonal way, as opposed to needing every month to look the same all year. I may run more in the summer than in the winter, but that’s just what life is. Seasons of success and seasons of rest. Both can exist at the same time. Sometimes resting is succeeding. Sometimes running too fast is failing you. Regardless, GIVE yourself grace when it comes to goals and do not let yourself think for a second that you are not doing a good enough job.

You are enough and I am here for you if you want to talk about this more.

I hope February is kind to you, regardless of what January looked like.

Andrea